Hi Louis,
I really liked your piece of writing since it caused great tension for the reader and provided an immense amount of vivid pictures swirling around my mind. Not only that but the sentence ‘Mum’s ear-rings and piercings were unhooked with tremendous ferocity.’ was brilliant as it was humorous and a fantastic sentence to end the first paragraph.
However, there was one mistake:
1. When you wrote it was complete natural chaos it states that all the horrific events that were happening were a common thing. This is because natural means normal, common or expected.
Apart from that, everything was perfect so keep up the good work and remember to carry on blogging as I will be on here commenting a lot.
Good luck for year 6! 🙂
Hi Louis
I thought this was a brilliant piece of writing, but to make it even better please try and use some more interesting punctuation. you have made great suspence at the end so I will be watching for part 2.
From Ben P!
Hi, it’s Louis CB, author of all these blogs.
Just specifying that i din’t go to the school any more, but I still appreciate the school leaving my name on all the blogs I wrote.
Please don’t delete my blogs because I would like to show my friends how good tetherdown was.
Thanks Mrs Cohen, Mrs Ashraf, Mrs Haria and Mrs Hedley for being wonderful teachers to me and my peers.
From Louis CB
Hi Louis,
I really liked your piece of writing since it caused great tension for the reader and provided an immense amount of vivid pictures swirling around my mind. Not only that but the sentence ‘Mum’s ear-rings and piercings were unhooked with tremendous ferocity.’ was brilliant as it was humorous and a fantastic sentence to end the first paragraph.
However, there was one mistake:
1. When you wrote it was complete natural chaos it states that all the horrific events that were happening were a common thing. This is because natural means normal, common or expected.
Apart from that, everything was perfect so keep up the good work and remember to carry on blogging as I will be on here commenting a lot.
Good luck for year 6! 🙂
Hi Louis
I thought this was a brilliant piece of writing, but to make it even better please try and use some more interesting punctuation. you have made great suspence at the end so I will be watching for part 2.
From Ben P!
hi louis,
i really liked your peice of work keep it up.
Hi, it’s Louis CB, author of all these blogs.
Just specifying that i din’t go to the school any more, but I still appreciate the school leaving my name on all the blogs I wrote.
Please don’t delete my blogs because I would like to show my friends how good tetherdown was.
Thanks Mrs Cohen, Mrs Ashraf, Mrs Haria and Mrs Hedley for being wonderful teachers to me and my peers.
From Louis CB