Hi ,Julius that is a great piece of work I liked the way you described what the homeless guy looked like .
Did your mum have a conection with Ned? mayby you could write another piece about it describing the conection.
Hi Julius,
I really like the storyline and use of words for ‘said’ in your story. I also like the dialouge because it is a very interesting conversation. You missed out some speech marks where it says ‘What does he want’. Why did your Mum suddenly start screaming?
I really like the way you describe the mans clothes, next time you could describe the way he was standing and what he may have been carrying.
Isabella
Hi Julius I like your discription of Ned and all the puncuation but I think you improve the trousers like were the trousers
muddy or something like that.
Hi Julius I like the amount of descrption and the imaganation with the homless guy living at your house. I only have one question did your mum have a conection. I hope you can type up a sequell.
Hello Julius, great work! I especialy liked your decription of Ned, it was fasinating. Why did your Mum scream when he entered the hall? Are you going to write a second story? What will happen in it?
Hi ,Julius that is a great piece of work I liked the way you described what the homeless guy looked like .
Did your mum have a conection with Ned? mayby you could write another piece about it describing the conection.
Madison
Hi Julius,
I really like the storyline and use of words for ‘said’ in your story. I also like the dialouge because it is a very interesting conversation. You missed out some speech marks where it says ‘What does he want’. Why did your Mum suddenly start screaming?
I really like the way you describe the mans clothes, next time you could describe the way he was standing and what he may have been carrying.
Isabella
Hi Julius,I loved the bit where you described the Homeless person”ripped shirt,stained trousers”.What gave you the Idea to do a Homeless person?
Hi Julius I like your discription of Ned and all the puncuation but I think you improve the trousers like were the trousers
muddy or something like that.
Hi Julius I like the amount of descrption and the imaganation with the homless guy living at your house. I only have one question did your mum have a conection. I hope you can type up a sequell.
DanielG
Hi Julius
I really like the part when you are like “mum, it is a homeless person ” you could tell me more abalt why he came.
I like the way you described the old man.
Hi julius I really like the des cription of the man it is very good and I liked it at the end when the mum screamed.
Hello Julius, great work! I especialy liked your decription of Ned, it was fasinating. Why did your Mum scream when he entered the hall? Are you going to write a second story? What will happen in it?
Hi Julius grate description of the old man ,I especialy like the hair on him.
Hi julius
I really like the way you described how the old man’s clothes. what gave you the idea of a homeless person.
from Maddie P
Hi Julius I realy liked yours because the detail was amaizing .Why did your mum scream?