Hi Alfie, I love this 100wc entry. Great description and an ending that makes me want to know what will happen next. To improve it, take another look at the simile used in the first sentence, I like how you used the contrast, but a more powerful adjective than big would be a good improvement.
I especially liked ,” with a sense of despair…” .Keep on writing. 😀
Excellent writting Alfie, you have used some really descriptive language throughout the 100WC. I especially liked your use of similes. The ending was also very powerful, it keeps the reader guessing wondering why they collapsed. It is also lovely to read a 100WC with a title.
When you write descriptions it is also worth including other senses, such as what you can smell and hear. This gives an even more complete picture.
Keep up the great work!
I really like that, it’s really discribtive, and I really like the ‘As big as snow is white’. Have you ever seen such a really big spider and you are discriding it?
Hi Alfie, I love this 100wc entry. Great description and an ending that makes me want to know what will happen next. To improve it, take another look at the simile used in the first sentence, I like how you used the contrast, but a more powerful adjective than big would be a good improvement.
I especially liked ,” with a sense of despair…” .Keep on writing. 😀
“As big as the snow is white” – I like that image.
Excellent writting Alfie, you have used some really descriptive language throughout the 100WC. I especially liked your use of similes. The ending was also very powerful, it keeps the reader guessing wondering why they collapsed. It is also lovely to read a 100WC with a title.
When you write descriptions it is also worth including other senses, such as what you can smell and hear. This gives an even more complete picture.
Keep up the great work!
I really like that, it’s really discribtive, and I really like the ‘As big as snow is white’. Have you ever seen such a really big spider and you are discriding it?