I like some of your descriptive words and the fact that you love so much chocolate. You might want to think about the structure, meaning that your ideas don’t connect completely. Maybe introduce the characters (you and your brother) first and then talk about the chocolate and how fun it was to watch a chocolate rabbit melt. (Oh and rabbit has two Bs) Keep writing these challenges!
Dear Jesse,
Thank you for submitting an entry to the 100 word challenge. I can see that you and your brother love Easter time and the chocolate tradition that goes with it. I would suggest that next time you read through your writing before submitting it to check that it really tells the story you were thinking of – it should have a beginning, middle and end. I can see that you have made an effort to use metaphores. Well done.
I didnt really get it.
I like some of your descriptive words and the fact that you love so much chocolate. You might want to think about the structure, meaning that your ideas don’t connect completely. Maybe introduce the characters (you and your brother) first and then talk about the chocolate and how fun it was to watch a chocolate rabbit melt. (Oh and rabbit has two Bs) Keep writing these challenges!
Dear Jesse,
Thank you for submitting an entry to the 100 word challenge. I can see that you and your brother love Easter time and the chocolate tradition that goes with it. I would suggest that next time you read through your writing before submitting it to check that it really tells the story you were thinking of – it should have a beginning, middle and end. I can see that you have made an effort to use metaphores. Well done.