Well done Rhodri, good story line. You used correct punctuation. I have a personal connection with this story on passover when we were looking for the afikoman (a piece of matzah). My daddy had placed it in the corner on the floor and my cousin Natasha stepped on it! No afikoman then:(
Did this actually happen or not? Maybe next time you could add connectives, not just and. You could also check your tenses as an easter bunny is not a group. It should be “My easter bunny HAS melted. Maybe you could add some adjectives next time to describe the bunny, your sisters or the easter egg. But apart from that good effort and keep blogging!
Hi Rhodri, that was a clever way to write friction. It is exciting to read stories that sound so real that readers picture themselves in the story and follow the author with so much commitment.
You have done a good job of this story except for a few corrections like frequent use of ‘and’. You can improve on this by using other connectives as appropriate like ‘so’. You could also break a long sentence. Well done!
Hi Rhodri! It was a good piece of writing and the description was really good, but if you were to go back and edit it, you could add some commas.
Well Done!
Hello, Wow, I really liked your story but you could have said how you noticed the hint. What inspired you to write this story?
Nothing realy inspired me to write this story I just made it up
Well done Rhodri, good story line. You used correct punctuation. I have a personal connection with this story on passover when we were looking for the afikoman (a piece of matzah). My daddy had placed it in the corner on the floor and my cousin Natasha stepped on it! No afikoman then:(
Did this actually happen or not? Maybe next time you could add connectives, not just and. You could also check your tenses as an easter bunny is not a group. It should be “My easter bunny HAS melted. Maybe you could add some adjectives next time to describe the bunny, your sisters or the easter egg. But apart from that good effort and keep blogging!
Well done Rhodri. I love how you ended your story, Cerys yelling upstairs. Next time add a few more full stops. Well done!
that was good did it really happen
Very well done. I like the discription. Don’t foget its MY EASTER BUNNY HAS MELTED.
Hi Rhodri, that was a clever way to write friction. It is exciting to read stories that sound so real that readers picture themselves in the story and follow the author with so much commitment.
You have done a good job of this story except for a few corrections like frequent use of ‘and’. You can improve on this by using other connectives as appropriate like ‘so’. You could also break a long sentence. Well done!
Hi Rhodri! It was a good piece of writing and the description was really good, but if you were to go back and edit it, you could add some commas.
Well Done!