I think this is quite a funny story, Harry! The way you got a ‘ghost thing’ to teach you about a life beyond computer games was a great idea, especially when you mention that he was FROM your computer game!
Only one criticism: Just try to remember where your speech marks should go and that you must start a new line for every new person that speaks!
A great story with a clever (and important!) moral.
Keep up the great work!
Hello Harry, this was a fun piece for the 100WC. It was a good way to learn that there is more to life than computers!
As Louis said, try to remember to begin a new line for a new speaker. It helps the reader to know who is speaking.
Great effort 🙂
Hello Harry,
Wonderful entry this week to the 100WC. Great idea to use speech to tell your story. You have also used some great sentence openers. Remember to try and include different connectives too.
Keep up the good work.
I think this is quite a funny story, Harry! The way you got a ‘ghost thing’ to teach you about a life beyond computer games was a great idea, especially when you mention that he was FROM your computer game!
Only one criticism: Just try to remember where your speech marks should go and that you must start a new line for every new person that speaks!
A great story with a clever (and important!) moral.
Keep up the great work!
Hello Harry, this was a fun piece for the 100WC. It was a good way to learn that there is more to life than computers!
As Louis said, try to remember to begin a new line for a new speaker. It helps the reader to know who is speaking.
Great effort 🙂
Hello Harry,
Wonderful entry this week to the 100WC. Great idea to use speech to tell your story. You have also used some great sentence openers. Remember to try and include different connectives too.
Keep up the good work.