This is a great piece of work. You set the scene very concisely, and there are some very nice touches. One that I particularly liked was that not only did you bring up the tin can, but you also added another piece of description about black ooze, which added an extra layer of realism. The squinting is another lovely touch.
You should consider writing more of this story, and I look forward to seeing more of your work: well done.
well done of the devils closed in. because it want me to find out more like is he going to die it was a really intresting story. But you should of yoused premier ajectives but a really good try well done i am really looking forward to seeing more of your work
from nathan please visit http://5t2012.highlawnprimary.net/
Alex –
This is a great piece of work. You set the scene very concisely, and there are some very nice touches. One that I particularly liked was that not only did you bring up the tin can, but you also added another piece of description about black ooze, which added an extra layer of realism. The squinting is another lovely touch.
You should consider writing more of this story, and I look forward to seeing more of your work: well done.
-Mike.
Thank you Mike.
VERY……..lord of the rings but still original ……write more!
You did very well you used lots of describing words don’t forget to use capiltle letters
well done of the devils closed in. because it want me to find out more like is he going to die it was a really intresting story. But you should of yoused premier ajectives but a really good try well done i am really looking forward to seeing more of your work
from nathan please visit
http://5t2012.highlawnprimary.net/