I love the way that you have used some fantastic vocabulary such as ‘frosty’ and ‘anxious’. I especially like the last sentence as I can think of times when I have wailed inside. To improve your story further you could include more accurate speech punctuation.
WELL DONE LAILA
P.S I love your blog. If you would like to check out 4Z’s it is http://www.springwell4z.posterous.com
Well done Laila. You have varied your sentance starters and selected words carefully. We have all had days like that. Thank you for sharing on the 100WC
Wow Laila! You blew me away with this piece of writing i’m not just saying that I mean that. You used connectives at the beginning of your sentences also you got some speech in there because most 100 word challenges including mine don’t have speech in it. But next time when you start speech try to remember capital letters. Well Done! from your blogging friends at http://www.6d.highlawnprimary.net
positive 1: Really enjoyable story we really like the part were she runs in crying.
positive 2 : We really like the sentance opener it was a frosty morning….
target: Good use of punctuation but try and use more capital letters.
Well done Laila!!!
wow laila what a good story.
Wow! I really enjoyed reading this story. It was fun to ready and I liked it a lot. Good job!
I love the way that you have used some fantastic vocabulary such as ‘frosty’ and ‘anxious’. I especially like the last sentence as I can think of times when I have wailed inside. To improve your story further you could include more accurate speech punctuation.
WELL DONE LAILA
P.S I love your blog. If you would like to check out 4Z’s it is http://www.springwell4z.posterous.com
Well done Laila. You have varied your sentance starters and selected words carefully. We have all had days like that. Thank you for sharing on the 100WC
Wow Laila! You blew me away with this piece of writing i’m not just saying that I mean that. You used connectives at the beginning of your sentences also you got some speech in there because most 100 word challenges including mine don’t have speech in it. But next time when you start speech try to remember capital letters. Well Done! from your blogging friends at http://www.6d.highlawnprimary.net
positive 1: Really enjoyable story we really like the part were she runs in crying.
positive 2 : We really like the sentance opener it was a frosty morning….
target: Good use of punctuation but try and use more capital letters.
Well done Laila!!!
http://classes.st-peters-school.org.uk/year6—100-word-challenge.html
I really enjoyed the story you wrote, you told it well.I thought it was very detailed and interesting.
I think you can work on more adjectives.
Please visit the St Peter’s Church of England Primary School 100 Word Challenge Blog:
http://classes.st-peters-school.org.uk/year6—100-word-challenge.html
A lovely descriptive account of a day in a leap year, you could vary your use of adjectives a bit more. An excellent piece of writing though!