Hi James, that is a great piece of work. You have exposed your feelings and views and shown facts. Really well done again.
Next time though, maybe you could include more sentences and make your paragraphs bigger.
Hi James, this is a great piece of writing because you have made your point very clearly. Also it has lots of emotions in it, which is really powerful. Only one thing that I’d improve is that it makes sence.
Well done.
At it is heavy you dont have to put a full stop. Instead you could put a comma, but i liked
your comparisin and you put in how it would feel which was really good. also you
explained what people do in Africa very well and you described the type of water
they drink.
I realy love all the effort you have put into this peice of work.
Also i realy like the description and personifcation you have put into this peice of work.
Maybe you could of used some metiphores or simles.
Hi James, that is a great piece of work. You have exposed your feelings and views and shown facts. Really well done again.
Next time though, maybe you could include more sentences and make your paragraphs bigger.
Hi James, this is a great piece of writing because you have made your point very clearly. Also it has lots of emotions in it, which is really powerful. Only one thing that I’d improve is that it makes sence.
Well done.
At it is heavy you dont have to put a full stop. Instead you could put a comma, but i liked
your comparisin and you put in how it would feel which was really good. also you
explained what people do in Africa very well and you described the type of water
they drink.
Well done James grate work ,
your work was very touching .
I realy feel gilty that Ican have water when everI like,
and they have to walk for 4 hours.