Well done Alfie! This was an immaculate piece of writing Alfie, and these are the points I enjoyed:
1.’Counting on you’ shows expression and persuasion, telling them that you will be let down if they fail there required task.
2. It is a very good idea to use two different parts of the statement; as you have used ‘We need to help them really fast OR they die.’
3. ‘Happy families turn in to sad families’ will sadden they’re hearts and make them work harder to achive they’re goal.
Keep up the good work, but although your work was amazing, there are still some improvements:
1.Try and add some useful adjectives such as ‘suffering’ or ‘oblivious’.
2.NEVER include your full name when writing on the blog, as you don’t know who is reading your work.
3.It is not a good idea to use AND at the beginning opf sentences. Use ‘furthermore’ or ‘secondly’.
Well done Alfie! This was an immaculate piece of writing Alfie, and these are the points I enjoyed:
1.’Counting on you’ shows expression and persuasion, telling them that you will be let down if they fail there required task.
2. It is a very good idea to use two different parts of the statement; as you have used ‘We need to help them really fast OR they die.’
3. ‘Happy families turn in to sad families’ will sadden they’re hearts and make them work harder to achive they’re goal.
Keep up the good work, but although your work was amazing, there are still some improvements:
1.Try and add some useful adjectives such as ‘suffering’ or ‘oblivious’.
2.NEVER include your full name when writing on the blog, as you don’t know who is reading your work.
3.It is not a good idea to use AND at the beginning opf sentences. Use ‘furthermore’ or ‘secondly’.
Great blog. Simple, effective, relevant and all in a good cause. Let’s hope Lynn reads it and does something about it.