I really enjoyed reading your brilliant scary story. Your descriptions were amazing. I liked the way you used your grammar, connectives and your beggining and ending was superb. There was just so much to read! Are you inspired by anyone?
That was a amazing story it really got you in to reading more of it. How long was it too write did you write it at home or at school? Your spellibng was incredibly good. I also understanded the story completly.
I really like your story, because you used excellent words about how scared you were. You had great punctuation and grammar, but the only thing was that you could have used paragraphs. I do hope you did not die.
I really like your story. It had lots of good words. Maybe use more connectives. Did you do that all by your self?
It sounded like a horror story…………………………..!
That was really good, Jake you had lots of amazing words in it. Where did you get the idea to write this story? I could not see any mistakes in it. I really enjoyed it, well done!
Exciting stuff Jake!
Some great descriptive words ‘scattered’ throughout this piece though I ‘faltered’ over some simple errors which could be easily ironed out if you just read through your work when you first complete it.
Lovely work though- who knows what will come next? Vampires? Am looking fwd to it.
From Mr Evans
Great intro, Jake. As Alex A said, you could have used paragraphs, whilst there were a few mistakes throughout it. Furthermore, it was absolutely fantastic. You had a drastic finish and I rapidly zoomed through the whole thing, and overall, it was master(chef) writing! Well done!
keep it up Jake. I really enjoyed it especially the part where it goes like I swore accidentally in shock. Quickly I darted through one of the ghouls’ legs but it was expecting it. The ghoul grabbed me by the collar and dragged me back. I wriggled but the scabbed and bloody hands had surprising force. its a bit to long you could make it shorter
I really enjoyed reading your brilliant scary story. Your descriptions were amazing. I liked the way you used your grammar, connectives and your beggining and ending was superb. There was just so much to read! Are you inspired by anyone?
That was a amazing story it really got you in to reading more of it. How long was it too write did you write it at home or at school? Your spellibng was incredibly good. I also understanded the story completly.
I really like your story, because you used excellent words about how scared you were. You had great punctuation and grammar, but the only thing was that you could have used paragraphs. I do hope you did not die.
-Alex Appelquist, Year 5 Drew
I really like your story. It had lots of good words. Maybe use more connectives. Did you do that all by your self?
It sounded like a horror story…………………………..!
That was really good, Jake you had lots of amazing words in it. Where did you get the idea to write this story? I could not see any mistakes in it. I really enjoyed it, well done!
that was good, I realy enjoyed it.Were did you get all the ideas from?I dont think there was any mistakes
That was very good
Exciting stuff Jake!
Some great descriptive words ‘scattered’ throughout this piece though I ‘faltered’ over some simple errors which could be easily ironed out if you just read through your work when you first complete it.
Lovely work though- who knows what will come next? Vampires? Am looking fwd to it.
From Mr Evans
Wow Jake that was incredible! Keep up the godd work since I can’t wait to read some more from you!
Great intro, Jake. As Alex A said, you could have used paragraphs, whilst there were a few mistakes throughout it. Furthermore, it was absolutely fantastic. You had a drastic finish and I rapidly zoomed through the whole thing, and overall, it was master(chef) writing! Well done!
keep it up Jake. I really enjoyed it especially the part where it goes like I swore accidentally in shock. Quickly I darted through one of the ghouls’ legs but it was expecting it. The ghoul grabbed me by the collar and dragged me back. I wriggled but the scabbed and bloody hands had surprising force. its a bit to long you could make it shorter