I really enjoyed reading your memory of your birthday. I thought you had a really good symalie in your writing, like an excited piglet. I liked the way you used speech, description and dialogue aswell.
P.S did you go to the top of the eiffel tower in the end?
Hi Anna,
I liked it when you said “squealed like an excited piglet.” I’d never of thought of that!
You did lots of desciption.
How did you think of this story? Anyway it was great and I enjoyed it.
You could improve it by starting a new line for a speech.
Amazing Anna! I really love the bit when you say, ‘I squealed like an exited piglet and skidded over to the chair she had pointed at.’ Maybe you could say how your are feeling .Did this happen in real life or is it compleatly made up?
Thank you for entering the 100WC. I can see you have used all of the prompt words and have kept within the 105 word limit allowed in this prompt. Well done!
In your story itself, I liked the way you had included speech. Speech can help the reader better understand what characters are thinking. I can see the effort you have taken to write without error. This must mean you, like me, check what you have written before posting. That’s always important in writing. The only suggestions I could make were probably errors you missed such as “parent’s room” and “excited piglet”.
“I squealed like an excited piglet…” what a wonderful simile. 🙂
I can see in the comments, Jessica suggested you start a new line for speech. That is the normal method of presenting speech and only a small step from your wonderful writing.
Making these adjustments, your opening paragraph would have read…
“Hooray, at last, my birthday has come!” I leaped out of bed and dashed into my parents room. I jumped on them till Mum said… “Ok, ok, it’s over there.” I squealed like an excited piglet and skidded over the chair she had pointed at. To my delight a small box was waiting for me. I gently lifted off the lid of the box. Inside there was a note that said…
I hope you keep entering the 100WC. I think you have talent in story telling. 🙂
Well done Anna. Isn’t it amazing how you can write such an interesting and exciting piece of writing in just 100 words? I look forward to reading your next 100 word challenge.
I really enjoyed reading your memory of your birthday. I thought you had a really good symalie in your writing, like an excited piglet. I liked the way you used speech, description and dialogue aswell.
P.S did you go to the top of the eiffel tower in the end?
wow Anna!Good build up to the story.I can tell you thought about emoution.Loving the adgectives. What gave you inspiration?
Hi Anna,
I liked it when you said “squealed like an excited piglet.” I’d never of thought of that!
You did lots of desciption.
How did you think of this story? Anyway it was great and I enjoyed it.
You could improve it by starting a new line for a speech.
Amazing Anna! I really love the bit when you say, ‘I squealed like an exited piglet and skidded over to the chair she had pointed at.’ Maybe you could say how your are feeling .Did this happen in real life or is it compleatly made up?
Very discriptive and it is interesting to read. did you have a good time at Paris?You really showed how you were feeling.
Hello, Anna.
Thank you for entering the 100WC. I can see you have used all of the prompt words and have kept within the 105 word limit allowed in this prompt. Well done!
In your story itself, I liked the way you had included speech. Speech can help the reader better understand what characters are thinking. I can see the effort you have taken to write without error. This must mean you, like me, check what you have written before posting. That’s always important in writing. The only suggestions I could make were probably errors you missed such as “parent’s room” and “excited piglet”.
“I squealed like an excited piglet…” what a wonderful simile. 🙂
I can see in the comments, Jessica suggested you start a new line for speech. That is the normal method of presenting speech and only a small step from your wonderful writing.
Making these adjustments, your opening paragraph would have read…
“Hooray, at last, my birthday has come!”
I leaped out of bed and dashed into my parents room.
I jumped on them till Mum said… “Ok, ok, it’s over there.”
I squealed like an excited piglet and skidded over the chair she had pointed at. To my delight a small box was waiting for me. I gently lifted off the lid of the box. Inside there was a note that said…
I hope you keep entering the 100WC. I think you have talent in story telling. 🙂
@RossMannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher, NSW, Australia
Hi Anna,
I read your 100 word challenge and I thought it was brillinat. However there were a couple of errors but ‘Ross Mannel’ covered them all
Well done Anna. Isn’t it amazing how you can write such an interesting and exciting piece of writing in just 100 words? I look forward to reading your next 100 word challenge.
Wow Anna your description is really good,I like the part were you say I squealed like an exited pigglet