An especially good starting sentence. I think you could make this a bit more exciting by having a different ending, and perhaps you could also use some more interesting and descriptive words. Why not have another go?
Hi,
This is really well written with lots of adjectives. My only criticism is that you could have used more commas. However, this has a great storyline and was nice to read! 😉
Hello Imogen,
I thought your work was very good but could have been perfect with a few more connectives and adverbs. As everyone else has said, your starting sentence was very good. keep uo the good work!
Hello Imogen,
I thought your work was excellent and was up to standards. The range of description you used was brilliant. Maybe you could have increased the wow factor by using better adjectives. For example: Instead of ‘I was in my blank bathroom’, it could have been, ‘I was in my immaculate bathroom’. Apart from that everything was fine so keep up the good work.
From Rafi’s Mum.
Hello Imogen,
I thought your work was very good and definately met the criteria. The way you used all the description and connectives were incredible! I really hope you carry on writing because in a couple of years I can picture you being an author.
From Rafi’s Dad.
Imogen,
An especially good starting sentence. I think you could make this a bit more exciting by having a different ending, and perhaps you could also use some more interesting and descriptive words. Why not have another go?
Dad
Hi,
This is really well written with lots of adjectives. My only criticism is that you could have used more commas. However, this has a great storyline and was nice to read! 😉
hi Imogen. I agree, your starting sentence is the best I have read in the blog, save that one for when you write a novel!
My favourite line was into my feild of view because you put great effort and discription into it which made it a hundred times better.
Hello Imogen,
I thought your work was very good but could have been perfect with a few more connectives and adverbs. As everyone else has said, your starting sentence was very good. keep uo the good work!
Hello Imogen,
I thought your work was excellent and was up to standards. The range of description you used was brilliant. Maybe you could have increased the wow factor by using better adjectives. For example: Instead of ‘I was in my blank bathroom’, it could have been, ‘I was in my immaculate bathroom’. Apart from that everything was fine so keep up the good work.
From Rafi’s Mum.
Hello Imogen,
I thought your work was very good and definately met the criteria. The way you used all the description and connectives were incredible! I really hope you carry on writing because in a couple of years I can picture you being an author.
From Rafi’s Dad.
I thought your work was very good. Well done!
From Rafi’s Brother.
hello imogen,
i thought your work was BRILLIANT! Keep on writing these incredible storys.
From Rafi’s Cousin.