Loved your story. Some fine descriptive images. However, as I am part of the Punctuation, Grammar and Spelling Police, I have to tell you that ‘rapping’ starts with a silent ‘w’.
I really like your use of language in this Alfie. You have begun your sentences in a variety of ways which kept me interested. Poor Lauren! She was so excited and then found her huge chocolate bunny had melted! One thing I would say is her parents must be VERY lazy if they were still in bed when she’d arrived home from school!
Well done, keep up the super writing.
Mrs Prior (Team 100WC)
What a nice story Alfie, a well written and funny 100wc entry. I thought you built up the anticipation well, and I was not expecting that ending. Some good descriptive words used, which kept it interesting. Very good!
Wow Alfie! Your 100 word challenge was great. I loved how you described how Laura was moving by saying that she tiptoed quickly. Also you used some vocabulory which is fantastic. Not only that you used some connectives to connect two sentences together. Well done!
From your blogging friends at http://www.6d.highlawnprimary.net
Hi Alfie,
I thought your passage was great I loved in a blink of an eye a great alternative connective.
Loved your story. Some fine descriptive images. However, as I am part of the Punctuation, Grammar and Spelling Police, I have to tell you that ‘rapping’ starts with a silent ‘w’.
I really like your use of language in this Alfie. You have begun your sentences in a variety of ways which kept me interested. Poor Lauren! She was so excited and then found her huge chocolate bunny had melted! One thing I would say is her parents must be VERY lazy if they were still in bed when she’d arrived home from school!
Well done, keep up the super writing.
Mrs Prior (Team 100WC)
What a nice story Alfie, a well written and funny 100wc entry. I thought you built up the anticipation well, and I was not expecting that ending. Some good descriptive words used, which kept it interesting. Very good!
Wow Alfie! Your 100 word challenge was great. I loved how you described how Laura was moving by saying that she tiptoed quickly. Also you used some vocabulory which is fantastic. Not only that you used some connectives to connect two sentences together. Well done!
From your blogging friends at http://www.6d.highlawnprimary.net