Thomas,
Really great piece of writing, I thought it was very expressive from the boy/girl’s pointof veiw. The only mistake I spotted
was: “I don’t know I shrug”, and my personal favorite description is: with a sly gin on his chubby old face.
This story has been wonderful to read as it unfolds. Your use of descriptive phrases allows the reader to easily picture the scene in their mind. Be careful with you use of tense, it seems to swap from past to present throughout the piece. I never knew that a trip to the barber shop could be so traumatic!!
My name’s Joe.Very good piece of writing.I like the idea of just a random pizza man coming in.How did you come up with the idea of the hair dresser?I like the name Bob to describe chubby people.
hi thomas,
funny post… I don’t think that you ment to type “I dont know, I shrug” but all in all awesome
Hey Thomas
Great descriptive words I dont know what to say because
your writing was sooooo good.
Thomas,
Really great piece of writing, I thought it was very expressive from the boy/girl’s pointof veiw. The only mistake I spotted
was: “I don’t know I shrug”, and my personal favorite description is: with a sly gin on his chubby old face.
Holly
Thomas
Very interesting, your work made me giggle. I really liked the description of the barber although there was quiet a few mistakes.
This story has been wonderful to read as it unfolds. Your use of descriptive phrases allows the reader to easily picture the scene in their mind. Be careful with you use of tense, it seems to swap from past to present throughout the piece. I never knew that a trip to the barber shop could be so traumatic!!
Hi Thomas,
My name’s Joe.Very good piece of writing.I like the idea of just a random pizza man coming in.How did you come up with the idea of the hair dresser?I like the name Bob to describe chubby people.
Hi Thomas,
That was a great story. I really liked the adjectives ‘sly’ and ‘chubby’, However, I think it is written “I don’t know,” I shrug.
All the best with your stories in future.
Gabriel
Thomas,
your story was brilliant. I liked the bit when took the pizza .
Your story was brilliant!!
It was brilliant.
I like that you put I got this from Google