Hi Elener,
yours is really good you put a lot of discription.Whene i finshed i was exited to read the next bit but then whene there was no more stuff in the sentinse my mouth opend it was so good i wanted to read more but you could have explaned how you went into the candy land and how you felt from lulu.
Great adjectives! You could have added only one comma, but that doesn’t matter. I did the obvious:ATE THE WORDS UP LIKE SWEETS ON A BOAT! Amazing simile, turned into a REALISTIC metaphor! Fantabulous use of grammar, organization, and I love the picture. Keep up tghe splendid work.
This is a very good poem Elena but I think you could have wrapped up the ending a bit better because I was very enticed by the story but then it ended very abruptly. I hope there can vbe another chapter…
Hi Elener,
yours is really good you put a lot of discription.Whene i finshed i was exited to read the next bit but then whene there was no more stuff in the sentinse my mouth opend it was so good i wanted to read more but you could have explaned how you went into the candy land and how you felt from lulu.
Great adjectives! You could have added only one comma, but that doesn’t matter. I did the obvious:ATE THE WORDS UP LIKE SWEETS ON A BOAT! Amazing simile, turned into a REALISTIC metaphor! Fantabulous use of grammar, organization, and I love the picture. Keep up tghe splendid work.
Well done
You are making me hungury. How did you come up with such a great idea? Great description.
Lovely work Elena!
Great description and brilliant story line. Its makes me feel like i’m there. It makes me end up licking my lips!
Wow Elena your writting makes me want to be there eating the world
This is a very good poem Elena but I think you could have wrapped up the ending a bit better because I was very enticed by the story but then it ended very abruptly. I hope there can vbe another chapter…
Hi Elena,
I liked this bit of writing but it was a bit to similar to charlie and the chocolate factory the whole boat part.