Wow Noe, how exciting! You have used such wonderful descriptive language that I can picture the robot rampaging through your house. I really like the bit where your mother faints at the first sight of it – it tells us how terrifying it must be. You use powerful verbs like screaming, bashed and gaining, and the whole piece is super to read. With such a marvellous writing style your next step is to make sure all the little details are correct, eg. spelling ‘its’ without an apostrophe, not putting a space before a comma, not missing out words – such minor things but they will make your fab writing even better.
Wow Noe, how exciting! You have used such wonderful descriptive language that I can picture the robot rampaging through your house. I really like the bit where your mother faints at the first sight of it – it tells us how terrifying it must be. You use powerful verbs like screaming, bashed and gaining, and the whole piece is super to read. With such a marvellous writing style your next step is to make sure all the little details are correct, eg. spelling ‘its’ without an apostrophe, not putting a space before a comma, not missing out words – such minor things but they will make your fab writing even better.
Noe this is fantastikly bubbly crumblo good with lots of adjectives and adverbs.I think you can inprove it by not mising out words.