Oh my goodness! What a terrible disaster. I really enjoyed reading this story and felt the excitement as I read it. You have tried to add extra description for the reader – ‘enormous’ and ‘ordinary’ help the reader to build a picture as they read. You have included different ways to begin sentences too, again making it more interesting for the reader. I especially like ‘Suddenly…’
Your opening paragraph looks as though you had time to take more care with finding where a full stop goes. If you have time, see if you can see where you need full stops. This will make your writing even better.
Keep on reading and keep on writing. I really enjoyed your disaster story!
Oh my goodness! What a terrible disaster. I really enjoyed reading this story and felt the excitement as I read it. You have tried to add extra description for the reader – ‘enormous’ and ‘ordinary’ help the reader to build a picture as they read. You have included different ways to begin sentences too, again making it more interesting for the reader. I especially like ‘Suddenly…’
Your opening paragraph looks as though you had time to take more care with finding where a full stop goes. If you have time, see if you can see where you need full stops. This will make your writing even better.
Keep on reading and keep on writing. I really enjoyed your disaster story!