You have some very clear description here – I LOVED the way you wrote about the dinner lady triumphantly stomping over to you. This makes her appear quite proud and self-important. Is this what you were intending?
I wonder if you could have described the custard as being like something other than custard in your simile? The custard tasted like…the sloppiest baby food in the world / milk that had been left out in the sun / a warm mushed-up banana.
Hi Tabitha,
You have some very clear description here – I LOVED the way you wrote about the dinner lady triumphantly stomping over to you. This makes her appear quite proud and self-important. Is this what you were intending?
I wonder if you could have described the custard as being like something other than custard in your simile? The custard tasted like…the sloppiest baby food in the world / milk that had been left out in the sun / a warm mushed-up banana.
Can you think of one?
Great writing,
Mr Connor
Year 5 teacher
Derby, UK