I really liked it because it has really good words like cascading and flinched but you put answeed instead of answered so maybe you could check your spellings before you blog your work.
Hello Jake,
Overall I thought your work was good and here are some reasons why:
1. The description you used was phenomenal, for example: Cascaded and severe.
2. The story line was really interesting and had me gripping my seat the whole time.
Even though most things were good, some things needed improving:
1. Remember when you use speech, start a new line unless it is the same person speaking.
2. In your first sentence you didn’t need an elipsis.
Wow Jake, you have set the scene well. I love your choice of verbs- flinched and cascading are particularly effective. I am sure this would work well in an extended story. Keep writing. Well done.
I really liked it because it has really good words like cascading and flinched but you put answeed instead of answered so maybe you could check your spellings before you blog your work.
Hello Jake,
Overall I thought your work was good and here are some reasons why:
1. The description you used was phenomenal, for example: Cascaded and severe.
2. The story line was really interesting and had me gripping my seat the whole time.
Even though most things were good, some things needed improving:
1. Remember when you use speech, start a new line unless it is the same person speaking.
2. In your first sentence you didn’t need an elipsis.
Apart from that everything was perfect.
Jake
I thought your amazingly powerful vocabulary like cascading and extreme really made the story even more amazing. There was nothing bad about it.
I really enjoyed reading your brilliant story. I had a fantastic image in my head.
Wow Jake, you have set the scene well. I love your choice of verbs- flinched and cascading are particularly effective. I am sure this would work well in an extended story. Keep writing. Well done.