Hello Mia,
I thought your work was very good because:
1. It was very funny.
2. It included connectives and nice adjectives, such as: Stuffing, psycho and sarcastically.
3. Your story was very realistic.
However, you need to remember:
1. Start a new line when somebody else is speaking.
2. Don’t put commas in front of question marks.
Apart from that everything was fine so keep up your great writing.
I think your peace was really funny and gripping. I liked your good adjectives such as stuffing and sarcastically I also liked your other words like approached. Maybe next time you should move onto a new line when someone else talks. As well as being funny I thought you chose some very good choices of words.
Mia
I thought your story was brilliant because it was
funny,it had good connectives and it was very realistic
so I can’t wait to read more of you faboulious stories.
Not only was I impressed by your entry into this week’s 100WC, I was also impressed by the quality of the responses you have received. Some people have made good suggestions on how you might improve your writing so I need only read and enjoy.
Your rapping gran character certainly wants everyone to know she is still capable of doing things for herself. I like your creativity in the story. There are amazing people out in the world, even if they are weirdos in a show. 🙂
What an original story! Your characters certainly help to bring your writing alive, along with your fabulous use of some wonderful adjectives.’ I see that you chose to use some stage direction which is one of the features of a playscript. Perhaps you could spend some time exploring the stucture and the other features of playscripts and see if your story idea could be rewritten in a playscript format.
Thank you for sharing your work on the 100wc.
Mrs Shaw (Team100wc)
Hello Mia,
I thought your work was very good because:
1. It was very funny.
2. It included connectives and nice adjectives, such as: Stuffing, psycho and sarcastically.
3. Your story was very realistic.
However, you need to remember:
1. Start a new line when somebody else is speaking.
2. Don’t put commas in front of question marks.
Apart from that everything was fine so keep up your great writing.
Your work was very funny and amusing but your not ment put commas in front of question marks. Please write another story like that!
I agree with Freya your work is really funny,you’ve also used great adjectives!
I think your peace was really funny and gripping. I liked your good adjectives such as stuffing and sarcastically I also liked your other words like approached. Maybe next time you should move onto a new line when someone else talks. As well as being funny I thought you chose some very good choices of words.
Mia
I thought your story was brilliant because it was
funny,it had good connectives and it was very realistic
so I can’t wait to read more of you faboulious stories.
Hello Mia,
Not only was I impressed by your entry into this week’s 100WC, I was also impressed by the quality of the responses you have received. Some people have made good suggestions on how you might improve your writing so I need only read and enjoy.
Your rapping gran character certainly wants everyone to know she is still capable of doing things for herself. I like your creativity in the story. There are amazing people out in the world, even if they are weirdos in a show. 🙂
I hope you keep entering the 100WC.
@RossMannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher, NSW, Australia
Hello Mia,
What an original story! Your characters certainly help to bring your writing alive, along with your fabulous use of some wonderful adjectives.’ I see that you chose to use some stage direction which is one of the features of a playscript. Perhaps you could spend some time exploring the stucture and the other features of playscripts and see if your story idea could be rewritten in a playscript format.
Thank you for sharing your work on the 100wc.
Mrs Shaw (Team100wc)