Good story, Niyusha. It made me laugh. I wish it was a bit longer so that there would be even more to enjoy. What does Mr County look like? Can you describe him? Or perhaps you could describe Roger.
Hi Niyusha. I thought this post was really good, I particularly liked the word gulped. I am guessing that Rodger looked like a good person to do your homework?! It would be good to know what your first impressions of him were.
I like your range of long and short sentences. You could start start a new line when a different person speaks and it would be nice if you described some characters. Despite the improvements I really enjoy your great story.
Hello Niyusha,
All the other comments have summed up my review but I will write it down anyway.
I really liked your work because of the vivid picture it has painted in my head and the imagination that has gone into it. But remember to start a new line when somebody new is speaking. Apart from that everything was fine and deserved a spotlight on the blog.
From Rafi’s Mum.
Hello Niyusha,
I thought your work was evocative, descriptive and had a reasonable amount of dialogue in it. I would like to ask… Have you ever been in that position before? I know Rafi has! Keep up the good work wand carry on writing on the blog!
From Rafi’s Dad. 🙂
Good story, Niyusha. It made me laugh. I wish it was a bit longer so that there would be even more to enjoy. What does Mr County look like? Can you describe him? Or perhaps you could describe Roger.
Hello Niyusha.
I really liked…
1. Your short snappy sentences.
2. How realistic it was.
Remember to…
1. Start a new line when someone new is speaking.
Apart from that everything was fine so keep up the good work. Have you ever been in your characters position?
Hi Niyusha. I thought this post was really good, I particularly liked the word gulped. I am guessing that Rodger looked like a good person to do your homework?! It would be good to know what your first impressions of him were.
I like your range of long and short sentences. You could start start a new line when a different person speaks and it would be nice if you described some characters. Despite the improvements I really enjoy your great story.
Hello Niyusha,
All the other comments have summed up my review but I will write it down anyway.
I really liked your work because of the vivid picture it has painted in my head and the imagination that has gone into it. But remember to start a new line when somebody new is speaking. Apart from that everything was fine and deserved a spotlight on the blog.
From Rafi’s Mum.
Hello Niyusha,
I thought your work was evocative, descriptive and had a reasonable amount of dialogue in it. I would like to ask… Have you ever been in that position before? I know Rafi has! Keep up the good work wand carry on writing on the blog!
From Rafi’s Dad. 🙂