Well done Alfie….I loved the tension and what a great similie as a lion.
How did the dragon manage to fly around? Could I suggest that you start a new line for speech and capital letters for people. Keep it up!
That was really good it also had some great words in. I really wanted to read more.
How did you come up of having a dragon as a present? Next time maybe you could try and orginise the writing better.
But any way it is really good, carry on doing that standard and you might be top of the class!
That was brilliant. What made you come up with the idea of a dragon-present? Your puncuation wasn’t good. “when you said thanks mom thanks dad” you missed out the fist set of speech marks. I love your similies1 What happens next?
That was an amazing piece of writing with great description. I was gripped from the start and I really want to read more. Remember to put the speech marks in next time.
That was great. It had some immensely powerful adjectives and it had me gripped from the start. How did you manage to think of such an awesome present? I now want a dragon to! Perhaps next time you could add some more interesting punctuation. It was a great piece of writing and there are a few ideas that I would like to put in my own stories.
Well done Alfie….I loved the tension and what a great similie as a lion.
How did the dragon manage to fly around? Could I suggest that you start a new line for speech and capital letters for people. Keep it up!
That was really good it also had some great words in. I really wanted to read more.
How did you come up of having a dragon as a present? Next time maybe you could try and orginise the writing better.
But any way it is really good, carry on doing that standard and you might be top of the class!
Your piece of writing was excellent! No mistakes at all, and I adored your simile. Keep up the good work, furthermore, I felt like I was there!
That was brilliant. What made you come up with the idea of a dragon-present? Your puncuation wasn’t good. “when you said thanks mom thanks dad” you missed out the fist set of speech marks. I love your similies1 What happens next?
Very impressive and creative. I’d love to have a dragon. In your work there are a lot of comma’s but really good description!
Absouletley amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! really good adjectives very descriptive and creative
well done Alfie I thought your work was really good
but maybe you could use capitals for people’s names
but other wise well done.
That was an amazing piece of writing with great description. I was gripped from the start and I really want to read more. Remember to put the speech marks in next time.
Wow Alfie you have stunned me remmember to not use to many commas but well done!
That was great. It had some immensely powerful adjectives and it had me gripped from the start. How did you manage to think of such an awesome present? I now want a dragon to! Perhaps next time you could add some more interesting punctuation. It was a great piece of writing and there are a few ideas that I would like to put in my own stories.
Wow, I loved the description. Sounded like the beggining of a legendary tale! I couldn’t find any mistakes, so overall 10 out of 10.
wow, I loved the descriptoin, what inaspired you to write this? Has it happened to you? Next time try to use more punctuation.