Hello Louis,
I thought the description in this blog was incredible but you did ‘guild the lily’ a bit. This means that you described something too much. Aswell as that it had quite an abrubt ending. Otherwise everything was great and I would love to read some more of your blogs.
Hi Louis, this was incredible. You’ve used some great small sentences instead of dragging long ones. It all happened so quickly and you used some great words… Well done! I think that you could have explained who the enemy was, or where you were in further detail. Overall, I loved the story because it had so much action in it. So keep on blogging!
Hi Louis, I really like the description and you had a lot of powerful words like “showered” and “interior” but maybe you should not put a full stop after “few” but on the other hand it was great.
Hi Louis,
I really liked your short blog because it was very thrilling and and had lots of discription like showered and itching but i think think when you said the enemy hade not very good shots, you chould of changed it to not very good aim. over all i think your short blog was very good and i think you shold make a sequel.
Hello Louis,
I really liked your piece of writing because of all the decription in the actual war part.However there was two things I would change. They are;
1) I would put a exclamation mark after ‘few’!
2)I hope you know what Khaki means! It is a type of green!
But overall,well done!!!
hello Loius
I really liked your short blog because it was thrilling had had lots of discription like showered and itching but i think that you could could of changed the sentance that said the enemy did not have good shots to the enemy did not have good aim.
over all i think it was very exciting and you should write a sequel
Hi Louis, I love the way you have used your descriptions. I felt really engaged. Although your description was really good, your ending finished really quikly. Well done!!!!!!
It was good, exciting and you completely wish it was true ,but maybe you coald do some research because when you get hit by a bullet and your have a bullet proof vest it feels like your getting punched.Apart from that it was good. 🙂
I loved the description it made the story alive and exciting. My favourite part was the part where you said “I felt like a cornered mouse.”
However, I think you could make the story a bit longer because, it made me want to read on.
Well done!
Hello Louis,
I thought the description in this blog was incredible but you did ‘guild the lily’ a bit. This means that you described something too much. Aswell as that it had quite an abrubt ending. Otherwise everything was great and I would love to read some more of your blogs.
Hi Louis, this was incredible. You’ve used some great small sentences instead of dragging long ones. It all happened so quickly and you used some great words… Well done! I think that you could have explained who the enemy was, or where you were in further detail. Overall, I loved the story because it had so much action in it. So keep on blogging!
Hi Louis, I really like the description and you had a lot of powerful words like “showered” and “interior” but maybe you should not put a full stop after “few” but on the other hand it was great.
Hi Louis,
I really liked your short blog because it was very thrilling and and had lots of discription like showered and itching but i think think when you said the enemy hade not very good shots, you chould of changed it to not very good aim. over all i think your short blog was very good and i think you shold make a sequel.
Hello Louis,
I really liked your piece of writing because of all the decription in the actual war part.However there was two things I would change. They are;
1) I would put a exclamation mark after ‘few’!
2)I hope you know what Khaki means! It is a type of green!
But overall,well done!!!
hello Loius
I really liked your short blog because it was thrilling had had lots of discription like showered and itching but i think that you could could of changed the sentance that said the enemy did not have good shots to the enemy did not have good aim.
over all i think it was very exciting and you should write a sequel
Hi Louis, I love the way you have used your descriptions. I felt really engaged. Although your description was really good, your ending finished really quikly. Well done!!!!!!
It was good, exciting and you completely wish it was true ,but maybe you coald do some research because when you get hit by a bullet and your have a bullet proof vest it feels like your getting punched.Apart from that it was good. 🙂
Archie
I loved the description it made the story alive and exciting. My favourite part was the part where you said “I felt like a cornered mouse.”
However, I think you could make the story a bit longer because, it made me want to read on.
Well done!