Hi Raphael,
I like your animal creations especially the frog with wings. Next time make sure that you check you work because I found that a couple of bits didn’t make sense for- instance horribly incredible. Overall though I thought that it was a good story but make sure you add some more full stops next time. I hope to see more great blogs!
Hi Raphael, I really enjoyed reading your description. You really grabbed my attention with your beginning line ‘but what really caught my eye….’
You start by saying you saw a pig with ten legs, then later that you didn’t know what it was except for the sign. This is a great chance to use some descriptive language to make your reader use their imaginations more for example you could use ‘gruesome ten-legged creature’ instead of ‘ a pig with ten legs’.
What an excellent piece of writing Raphael. I love your descriptions and your use of similes in this piece of writing. Try adding a few commas up, so that your reader has to pause, it’s great at building tension.
Congratulations Raphael. I am really impressed by your description of the ten legged pig. I particularly like your use of the adjectives ‘horribly’ and ‘incredible’ together. I could really picture the pig in my mind.
Mr O’Dea
Assumption Catholic Primary School
Mandurah, Western Australia
I liked your phrase “horribly incredible”. Many things in life are hard to believe (incredible) and nasty (horrible) at the same time. It must have been a shock to find the scales were as sharp as knives – I hope you had gloves on!
Thankyou for taking part in 100WC. I’m looking forward to reading more of your work!
Hi Raphael,
I like your animal creations especially the frog with wings. Next time make sure that you check you work because I found that a couple of bits didn’t make sense for- instance horribly incredible. Overall though I thought that it was a good story but make sure you add some more full stops next time. I hope to see more great blogs!
Hi Raphael, I really enjoyed reading your description. You really grabbed my attention with your beginning line ‘but what really caught my eye….’
You start by saying you saw a pig with ten legs, then later that you didn’t know what it was except for the sign. This is a great chance to use some descriptive language to make your reader use their imaginations more for example you could use ‘gruesome ten-legged creature’ instead of ‘ a pig with ten legs’.
What an excellent piece of writing Raphael. I love your descriptions and your use of similes in this piece of writing. Try adding a few commas up, so that your reader has to pause, it’s great at building tension.
Thank you for your 100WC entry.
Congratulations Raphael. I am really impressed by your description of the ten legged pig. I particularly like your use of the adjectives ‘horribly’ and ‘incredible’ together. I could really picture the pig in my mind.
Mr O’Dea
Assumption Catholic Primary School
Mandurah, Western Australia
I liked your phrase “horribly incredible”. Many things in life are hard to believe (incredible) and nasty (horrible) at the same time. It must have been a shock to find the scales were as sharp as knives – I hope you had gloves on!
Thankyou for taking part in 100WC. I’m looking forward to reading more of your work!
Hi,
I am from st therese torquay australia i was just looking at your blog it is really interesting i beleive you have worked hard on it.
I really liked it well done on getting excactly 100 words
Well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Super job, keep writing.
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