Good use of adjectives, adverbs, similes and other uses of punctuation/grammar, but I still have to point out the sudden spelling mistake on ‘striate’ which should have been ‘straight’. ‘The End’ was also not needed.
Well done with your story! I like the way you start to build up the tension at the beginning with the tree falling right in front of your character. At the end it does sound pretty bad – with one foot either side! You’d have to hope the split didn’t go on getting wider! It might be better to have left a ‘cliff-hanger’ instead of saying ‘The End’. Your second sentence is quite long, and it might make the story more exciting if you had used a couple of short sentences instead! You’d get more of a build-up. Try that next time!
Thank you for entering the 100WC. I can see you have kept within the word limit and, while not using the exact words of the prompt, you have shown an understanding of it. Well done!
Your story itself is very interesting. Being a hiker, I have often walked on hillsides (we don’t have mountains near me). While walking, I have heard trees crash down but, luckily, none have come down near me.
I particularly liked your ending. With one foot on either side of the parting ground, your only chance would be if the parting ceased. What happened? We don’t know. You have created a cliffhanger which leaves the reader wondering what comes next. That’s a great way of drawing in readers if you were to write a sequel to your story. 🙂
I really liked your story. It was amazing! It felt like it was actually happening to me as I read along. However, I think you missed a word somewhere.
Niyusha
Good use of adjectives, adverbs, similes and other uses of punctuation/grammar, but I still have to point out the sudden spelling mistake on ‘striate’ which should have been ‘straight’. ‘The End’ was also not needed.
Well done with your story! I like the way you start to build up the tension at the beginning with the tree falling right in front of your character. At the end it does sound pretty bad – with one foot either side! You’d have to hope the split didn’t go on getting wider! It might be better to have left a ‘cliff-hanger’ instead of saying ‘The End’. Your second sentence is quite long, and it might make the story more exciting if you had used a couple of short sentences instead! You’d get more of a build-up. Try that next time!
Hello, Armelle.
Thank you for entering the 100WC. I can see you have kept within the word limit and, while not using the exact words of the prompt, you have shown an understanding of it. Well done!
Your story itself is very interesting. Being a hiker, I have often walked on hillsides (we don’t have mountains near me). While walking, I have heard trees crash down but, luckily, none have come down near me.
I particularly liked your ending. With one foot on either side of the parting ground, your only chance would be if the parting ceased. What happened? We don’t know. You have created a cliffhanger which leaves the reader wondering what comes next. That’s a great way of drawing in readers if you were to write a sequel to your story. 🙂
I hope you keep entering the 100WC.
@RossMannell
Teacher, NSW, Australia