You had some excellent description in this piece – I could picture the scene really clearly. I also liked your use of adverbs throughout your story. To make this even better, try looking up “hot” and “sunny” in a thesaurus to see if you can find some exciting words for your opening sentence.
Hello James,
It is a very nice piece of writing. Excellent detail throughout your paragraph. Very good adjectives. Very funny too!
Akram
Hi James
You had some excellent description in this piece – I could picture the scene really clearly. I also liked your use of adverbs throughout your story. To make this even better, try looking up “hot” and “sunny” in a thesaurus to see if you can find some exciting words for your opening sentence.